Letters, Quotes, Memory,
& Recipes.
When I find myself in a mood, swept away by feelings of despair, lack, and hopelessness, I get out the broom. I am thankful that I haven't felt burdened with difficult emotions very often lately, but I have learned from past experience that sweeping the floor is a way to sweep away the dusty dark layers in my heart. I don't know how it works, just that doing something small and physical transfers light and hope.
I strongly resist a challenge or a change, but in reality, these are some of the best things for my heart. I had to deal with Sailor's case of pinworms recently, on top of home renovations that are taking over my space (both physical and mental), and then there were ants in the apartment. In TJ's absence, I had to stand on a chair, spray ant killer all around, and wipe dead ants off the walls.
I am starting to wind down my year of therapy now, and the investment of time and money has been A+. I have been named a strong woman and I have been given tools to take into my future. I have relational work and heart work ahead of me still, but I have entered sacred space enough to know that this time was planned before the world began. I walked right into the rest of my life the day I walked into Ashley's office.
Coming into focus for me lately is the fact that these few good friends I have are the people I’m going to grow old with here in Greenville. I hope that when I’m 55, I’m still sitting on the right hand side, toward the front, of Village Church, with my friends Sarah and Jill.
Our pews will be empty of our kids, which is a sad thing to think about now.
